Quote of the day: hate

Following on from this post, it seems some men think we’re getting all worked up over nothing. You see, the term ‘hate fuck’ isn’t about hating women, it’s only about ‘hating’ women, which isn’t a big deal at all (and anyway, some women like being abused). So I’d like to quote ‘lucywatchthesky’ who left this comment on the Daily Dose blog (can’t seem to link to it directly, it’s posted at 6.09pm on June 2).

Thank you for writing this, and thank you for being sensible enough to really explain what is wrong with this entire sentiment (because apparently for some it’s not as obvious). I despise the term “hate-fucking”; I hear it all the time at work and otherwise, and yes, it is VERY different from being counter-intuitively attracted to someone you’d otherwise despise. In the contexts I’ve heard it, when a woman is powerful and outspoken, and inspires resentment from men around her, it’s as if the only way they can tolerate to be around her is to think about “hate-fucking” her. In other words, if they can think about her as a sex object, then it makes it easier to deal with the reality that she is in fact more powerful than they.

This piece only highlights how cavalier some men are about their inherent privilege, and how they think nothing of using sex as a weapon against women. This is not edgy journalism; it’s hate, and it’s disgusting.

One response

  1. Jennifer Drew

    What men are really saying when they say they want to ‘hate fuck’ a woman or women is ‘If I could get away with it I’d rape you because by using my penis as a weapon I would use your sexuality against you, in order to try and destroy you without killing you.’

    So when men sexually insult women by telling them they want to ‘hate fuck’ them such men are advocating and promoting rape because they know sexualised violence is a very effective method of destroying a woman’s sexual autonomy and her sexuality. (Yes it all too often does destroy a woman’s sexuality and self-respect which is why it is so devastating and all too often takes a very long time for the woman/women to heal from this particular form of male sexualised violence).

    Sex has nothing to do with ‘hate fuck’ but it has everything to do with men using their penises, hands and objects as sexualised weapons in order to try and destroy a woman or women who men perceive as threatening their pseudo male supremacy and pseudo male superiority. Because ‘sex’ is supposedly about two individuals engaged in mutual sexual pleasure rather than one person (male) engaged in committing sexualised violence against another person (female). The violence committed is sexual violence not ‘sex.’ A definition which the media commonly ignores when reporting rape cases wherein the word rape is nearly always omitted and male sexualised violence becomes ‘sex.’

    Reducing women to dehumanised sexualised objects supposedly makes men feel more ‘masculine,’more powerful and more superior – but this is precisely what pornography promotes, since male sexual violence against women is commonplace in mainstream pornography now.

    Or to put it another way such men are misogynists/women-haters.

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