I had given up on reading the UK F-Word a long time ago, as it seems determined to be as irrelevant as possible, when it isn’t being co-opted by sex industry advocates and/or queer/postmodern non-politics; but it’s been a long winter break.
I did run across one interesting article, on F*fty Sh*des of Gr*y, and its portrayal of domestic violence as ‘romance’:
Just like Christian Grey, he began pushing me to do what he wanted sexually. I continually resisted, and yet he pushed and pushed until I gave in.
Then, when I totally belonged to him, he sat me down, just as Christian did to Ana and told me he was too bad for me, that he would hurt me and destroy me and that I should stay away from him.
“Why?” I cried, “Why would you do this to me?”
“I’m too dangerous,” he murmured, “Just stop seeing me.”
I cried some more and told him I couldn’t. I loved him. And he relented and said that it was my choice. If I wanted to stay with him, I could. But whatever he did afterwards was because I had made that choice. Oh my. My very own Mr Grey!
And my Mr Grey held me to that.
When he forced me to kiss another guy, he held me to it.
When he tried to force me to have an abortion, he held me to it.
When his desire to have younger, teenage victims led to him becoming a registered sex offender, he held me to it.
When he abused me sexually in every way possible, he held me to it.
When he raped me when I was 6 months pregnant and my baby was born three months premature, he held me to it.
Honestly, Christian Grey is not the ideal man. He’s an abuser and he will destroy every woman he meets. My ex-husband was one of the Christian Greys of this world and he broke me, body and soul. I believed my love could change him. I believed his childhood had damaged him and I could fix him, but it is not childhood trauma that causes men to abuse. Abuse is a choice.
To the organisations, individuals and media outlets defending Fifty Shades as consensual BDSM, this is not a consensual relationship. It is domestic abuse. When you defend this book, you become abuse apologists.