PostSecret QotD, thanks sex pozzers!


From this weekend’s PostSecret

It’s hardly surprising that women have ‘rape fantasies’, we live in a culture where rape and coercion are continually portrayed as ‘sexy’, where masochism and femininity are practically synonymous, and masochistic feminine ‘fantasies’ are the only expressions of female sexuality that get taken seriously and ‘validated’ in the mainstream.

Then these ‘fantasies’ will be used to excuse the real violence against us, because we all want it really.


4 responses

  1. Yes this phenomena is indeed a problem for alot of women. And there are many not sure how to interpet this. I think there are actually two things happing. 1. She may have fanatasies about strangers that come into her life without her having to do any ‘seducation game’ effort and personifies everything she wants at that very moment. He/She does whatever she wants him/her to do. Therfore this fantasy is not a rape, because the ‘stranger’ is actually her own mind, so infact herself (kind of like self-pleasuring). However her comes the tricky part, because we live in a society where women are taught to hate herself, surrounded with images, media culture, social experiences that install self-hatred and internalized misogyny. This all has the same effect as nightmares have. Also the brain processes everything you encounter during the day even if you think you are immune to it’s influences (for example commericals).
    So summing it all up, I think it’s helpfull to distingish between (1) fantasies about strangers, that embody what we are looking without having to do the seduction. (2) the nightmares that we have, because our brain is proccessing the culture that we live in.
    In a rape culture the two things may get mixed up. (which is exactly what mainstream male media wants, so you cannot even trust your own mind). It’s important that we analyse everything and not let societies ‘mind-fuck’ get to us.

  2. Yes, I don’t think any woman actually fantasizes about a ‘real’ rape, the fantasy is about a skilled, competent partner who knows exactly what to do without having to be told. But women aren’t genuinely allowed to actively want anything sexually (notice how dominatrix are actually always fulfilling the ‘submissive’ man’s fantasies), especially anything that might require hard work or ability on the man’s part, so the only way to describe these fantasies using mainstream vocabulary is to call them ‘rape’.

  3. Thanks for your response. Yes, I also assumed you understood, it was more of a general comment. I just wanted to add it to the story, because I find it deeply disturping how the word “rape fantasy” is being used on the internet especially by ‘libfems’. I once stumbled upon a Laci (green?) video about fantasies of women. It was awful, comments were like “oh, so women just really want to be raped? oh, good to know.”
    Indeed it all has to do with suppressing women’s sexualities and pleasure. Women feel ashamed of their own bodies, taught to be passive, objectivy themselves in the head and all that results in a sort of split where they can only flee to fantasies (?).

    I just hope that ‘libfems’ will stop using the word ‘rape fantasy’ and adress it what it really is, which is ‘stranger fantasy’ or ‘stranger-but-prince-charming-that-knows-where-the-clitoris-is fantasy’ , for lack of better words. Simply because they are so visible in the media and the men are paying attention. (And also more talk about the ‘nightmares’ like I said in the previous comment.)

    And idd, I once read a comment of a dominatrix who said the exact same thing about her experience, it’s all about the male.

    Btw, I am new here. Well I’ve come across blogs like these in the past, which were incredibly helpful. But only now signed up and followed.
    – Alexandra

  4. Hi Alexandra!

    I didn’t think we were in disagreement, my comments are always half in response to the person I’m replying to, half to the general audience.

    I’m aware of Laci Green, it’s an unfortunate fact of the internet that any idiot can set themselves up as an (s)expert with no evidence whatsoever to back up that label, and lots of other people, through ignorance or ill-intent, will support them – Laci Green seems to typify this.

    Thanks for your comments, it’s always good to get a new reader!

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