There is a big trend in ‘sex positive’ ‘choice feminism’ and among some sex industry advocates to blame the women who are abused in the sex industry for their own abuse.
This is a pathologization of victimhood, the system isn’t to blame, the victim herself and her own ‘bad choices’ are to blame, there is something wrong with her, not the system. The upshot of this is that we are encouraged not to look at the sex industry with any kind of structural or class analysis, we are asked to only look at the comparatively privileged women who are doing well as individuals within the status quo.
Next Years Girl has recently been having an exchange with tumblr user Baby Baby Sugar that illustrates this clearly, with a stark degree of contempt for victims on Baby Baby Sugar’s part that is more blatant than one usually sees.
Sex work is just like any other job. Ask 99% of high end escorts and they’ll tell you that they actually love what they do. Those studies are, in fact biased. I’d like to see a secure sex worker conduct the same study – the results would be a lot more accurate considering she would interview the right people and NOT street walkers who, most of the time, do this out of desperation.
If “high end escorts” are “the right people”, then on-street workers are ‘the wrong people’, they are unclean and we shouldn’t look at them or think about them, and we definitely shouldn’t think about them when considering laws and policies, because they just don’t count.
YES THERE ARE WOMEN THAT ARE FORCED INTO IT, but for those that are struggling to make ends meet you don’t HAVE to resort to sex work. Yes you’ll probably struggle financially but still resorting to sex work is entirely an OPTION. If you’re not emotionally and physically stable enough to enter the industry then you shouldn’t be in it. If you decide to enter regardless, you know what you’re in for.
The level of callousness and contempt here is breathtaking. Prominent sex industry advocates love to set up straw-abolitionists to bash, saying it’s our opinions that are creating ‘stigma’ (a nebulous term, especially in sex industry advocate hands), that is hurting ‘sex workers’, and even saying that our words are literally ‘killing’ ‘sex workers’, but this is the way those at the top of the pyramid view those at the bottom they are standing on (I have said, many times, that the sex industry is a pyramid with a very broad base).
As Next Years Girl puts it so well:
“If you’re not emotionally and physically stable enough to enter the industry then you shouldn’t be in it. If you decide to enter regardless, you know what you’re in for.”
I mean, has any phrase ever so perfectly demonstrated the complete meaninglessness of the fun feminist concept of “choice” without actually being parody?
For some context Baby Baby Sugar is a ‘sugar baby’, and her level of ‘sex work’ doesn’t even have to involve sexual contact with her ‘sugar daddy’, and she’s in the privileged position of not having to do it at all.
LET ME SET A FEW THINGS STRAIGHT. I have been blessed enough to have a high paying job and parents with money. I do NOT and will NEVER need to rely on a man for money. Sugaring is simply a bonus – yes it’s a nice big bonus, but I can still afford to pay my rent and even the occasional Louis Vuitton bag ON MY OWN. Don’t you even dare try and tell me that I’m getting nowhere just because I don’t currently have a stable SD because I sure as hell could quit sugaring at any time and still live a perfectly great life.
I have nothing against escorts, in fact I greatly respect escorts and what they do. That being said, being a SB, 90% of the messages I get are guy looking for an escort but aren’t willing to admit it. JUST NOW I had a guy offer me a measly $1500 a month so that he could come over several times a week to MY place and have sex. Then he added ‘oh I can take you for occasional outings if you’d like.’ FIRST OFF the cheapest escorts in Vancouver would laugh right in your face because you’re practically offering $125 per meet (who the fuck do you think you are.) Secondly, you keep arguing with me saying ‘I’m familiar with escorts, escorts are a business deal while sugaring is chemistry with a business deal.’ Um NO. Obviously you have no fucking idea what you’re talking about. You’re asking for sex with the ‘maybe’ of occasional outings- THAT IS NOT WHAT A SUGAR RELATIONSHIP IS. GET IT THROUGH YOUR FUCKING HEAD. The fact that this mother fucker brings up sex as well as how often he wants it and where he wants it in his FIRST message is fucking pathetic. Take your net worth of $200,000 and your pocket change elsewhere because no sugar baby nor escort is going to want your cheap, stupid ass. Rant over.