Daily Archives: July 31st, 2014

QotD: “I remember her eyes”


These are the two things I kept, from a collection spanning almost a decade.

I was wearing the mask, and carrying this crop, the night I walked out of a fet event with a girl so deep in subdrop I had to get her address from her ID.
A man I’d respected, with years of practice under his belt, had deigned to “train” her to be a painslut.

When she couldn’t speak, and her eyes went glassy, and she started to shake, I cut in.
He became furious, livid that I was interrupting his scene, his training. She wanted this, he said. She had asked for it.

So I asked her what she wanted, leaning in close so he couldn’t hear her answer.

She whispered, “I want to go home”, and so I undid the ropes and did just that. I drove her home, and sat with her, a total stranger I’d never met.

I made her tea, tucked her in bed, calmed her down. I don’t remember if she cried. I don’t even remember if I asked her name. I stayed until she’d dropped into a shivery and fitful sleep, left two Advil and a water by her bed, and locked the door after me.

I don’t remember how I got home. I probably shouldn’t have been driving. I remember her eyes, wide and scared and the pupils blown huge. I don’t remember much else, but I remember her eyes behind her cheap mask.

I never went back to another event, and I cut all ties with a community I’d been a proud advocate of.

I couldn’t remember much, but I was crystal clear on two facts:

I was the only one who tried to help.


I couldn’t be a part of a community like that.

From Appropriately-inappropriate