It says so much people’s priorities when they expect you to constantly feel guilty and apologise for your past sexual experiences instead of using your experiences to improve the future. Apologies do nothing to make things better. Action does.
I won’t apologize for being sixteen and wanting to feel beautiful and desired after years of merciless bullying, and being told by all the feminist books that I was reading (Full Frontal Feminism and the like) that BDSM was a powerful way to reclaim my sexual agency.
I also won’t apologize for falling hook, line and sinker for it—or for trying to switch from Sub to Domme because it offered me more protection from the sort of predatory men that think teenaged girls are free game (and let’s be real—there’s a lot of them, especially in the scene).
However, all I can do is use my experiences to hopefully help other young women learn from the mistakes I made, and avoid the traps I fell into.
If I have to be a walking, blogging Cautionary Tale, I’m okay with that—but I categorically refuse to apologize for liberal feminism failing me, and millions of other women and girls.
After all, aren’t exited women of any variety the most outspoken advocates, precisely because they have that experience?
Or should we disavow Dworkin’s work on prostitution because she was once a #problematic sex worker? Or does it lend more credence to her position?
There’s a strong community of bdsm-exited women on here. They’re strong precisely because of that experience.
I can’t change my past, but I can work to avoid making it someone else’s’ future.
QotD: “After all, aren’t exited women of any variety the most outspoken advocates, precisely because they have that experience?”