More BDSM grossness

This time from Australia’s ‘Festival of Really Good Sex’, which, as well as a workshop called:

“Porn yoga for porn lovers”, in which participants were encouraged (via both live and video demonstrations) to develop a more mindful approach to masturbating to pornography.

which sounds utterly ridiculous, had a workshop called “Please Daddy”:

This workshop focused on the dynamic between a “daddy” and his “baby girl”, a kind of BDSM relationship where two consenting adults eroticise the father figure. This workshop was facilitated by Lukas Zpira, who began the session by selecting perhaps the most conventionally attractive young woman in the room and telling her, with the beckon of his finger, “I will have you.” It didn’t get less creepy from there.

Zpira spent the workshop cradling her in his lap while stroking her. He asserted that it “feels good to be wrong”, suggesting that punishments for a disobedient little girl could include revoking access to her car or her credit cards. He explained that his dynamic as a daddy is 24/7, and that he expects his little girl to give him full access to her phone and emails.

Many of the shell-shocked participants were learning about the daddy/baby girl relationship for the first time, and Zpira’s didactic approach felt reckless. While a healthy BDSM relationship explicitly discusses consent, Zpira explained that he doesn’t use safe words because, he said, “Daddy knows best.”

It’s a dynamic that might work for some couples – and I can appreciate a well-timed cry of “Daddy” as much as the next girl – but I can’t get off on financial control, or revoking a woman’s power to stop a sexual act. I caught a cab home after this workshop unsure if the queasy feeling in my stomach was an allergic reaction to the quinoa salad I ate at lunchtime or to Zpira’s workshop.

The journalist forgot to point out that it is also eroticising the sexually abused and incested girl child.

Isn’t BDSM supposed to be all ‘safe, sane, and consensual’? Aren’t the abusers supposed to be peripheral ‘bad apples’? Aren’t all the examples of creepy, abusive, men supposed to be outliers someone dishonestly trawled through Fetlife to find?

So how come this shit is mainstream?

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23 responses

  1. Oh gawd, pass the vomit bucket!

  2. The Guardian :
    This workshop focused on the dynamic between a daddy and his baby girl, a kind of BDSM relationship where two consenting adults eroticise the father figure. This workshop was facilitated by Lukas Zpira, who began the session by selecting perhaps the most conventionally attractive young woman in the room and telling her, with the beckon of his finger, “I will have you.” It didn’t get less creepy from there.

    Lukas :
    Firstly let’s put things back into context.
    The “Daddy/Baby girl” dynamic is not about two people eroticizing the father figure, but one person eroticizing a patriarchal figure and the other the image of the femme infant. The term “Daddy” is a figure of speech and not to be taken at first degree.
    People who attend such workshops come with a certain level of expectations, such as being challenged to new dynamics and discover other sexual approaches. An “outsider” simply coming to observe and perhaps judge will of course react differently when their boundaries and open mindness are challenged and that may make them feel uncomfortable and awkward. These workshops are delivered in an intimate setting with mutual respect as the golden rule in order to put the attendees at ease where they will not feel judged or observed and encourage communication.
    As an educator it is my role to cover the many aspects and levels of commitments/involvement of a specific topic, from the very basic approach to the very extreme. It does not mean i agree with, encourage, or practice all of what is discussed in the workshops, it simply means that the topic is covered as widely as possible without judgement or imposing one’s set of values.
    There are several workshops running simultaneously, should an attendee not feel comfortable, interested, or identify with the theme discussed they are free to leave the room at any given time and the possibility to attend a different workshop is given to them.
    I begin the workshop clearly stating there is no handbook or how to manual and that i am simply giving my opinion, sharing my experience and offering a perspective for the adventurous, therefore it cannot be “didactic” like your journalist stated.
    In this context I use the power my position of educator gives me to create the D/s dynamic i’m going to develop throughout the talk NOT by beckoning my finger and saying “i will have you” to the most “conventionally attractive young woman in the room” BUT by simply reaching out with my hand to the one who was alone and most isolated from the crowd, i wanted to make her feel safe and integrated with the rest of the class. I asked her “may I have you” just as I would have said “please do you feel comfortable to do this demonstration with me” which she agreed to, she did not feel offended and played the game willingly. All the attendees can attest that her attitude was cheerful and positive, so let’s face it, she had a great time!
    May I point out to your readers that your pseudo “reporter” omitted to mention that i did not do the demonstration with one girl only but two, and that the second one, also cute, did not fit the fashion magazine body type definition. How ironic, maybe its because it is not coherent with the image your journalist wants to give of me?

    The Guardian :
    Zpira spent the workshop cradling her in his lap while stroking her. He asserted that it “feels good to be wrong”, suggesting that punishments for a disobedient little girl could include revoking access to her car or her credit cards. He explained that his dynamic as a daddy is 24/7, and that he expects his little girl to give him full access to her phone and emails.

    Lukas :
    I never asked her to come sit on my lap but asked her to curl into a foetal position on the floor, with one hand on her shoulder and the other on her head, we took a few minutes this way to connect, giving her time to slip into a comfort zone to make her feel safe before starting the regressive state, which is a very common exercise.
    Then i proceeded to explain how to play with the power someone gives you, meanwhile keeping her in her comfort zone, using nice and sweet words, and how this power exchange can be beneficial and pleasurable for BOTH parties involved. It never got further than a few strokes of the hair, but i explained that in private one can take this dynamic much further.
    This is the basic mechanic of “Daddy/Baby girl” dynamic.
    Once the roles are set, the next step is, as I explained amongst many other things and won’t bother to cover here, is the necessity to set expectations and limits or boundaries for both, to also create a set of behaviours (the baby girl often takes on a rebellious and irresponsible teenage character hence the “Daddy” knows best response!) that will become the pretext of “play”, to establish rewards and punishments that can go from the very simple and soft to the more invasive; yes like revoking a credit card, which is ONE example of punishment amongst many, but that can also be something that is given, “here is the credit card, go shopping and buy yourself something nice!” . All of these elements can be included in a sexual way but the bottom line here is no one is forcing anyone, these rules are set by both partners according to how much they can/want to give and how far they want to go.
    One can of course imagine that when someone is willing to give you such power, your duty as a “Daddy” to protect, guide, educate and listen or simply be there for your “Baby girl” becomes a 24/7 responsability. Of course it is possible for someone to wish to be in this submissive role 24/7, but that is for both partner to determine.
    Through a constant dialogue (that can take shape in the form of a personal diary for “Daddy” to read, or access to email if the “Baby girl” prefers to communicate that way) the dynamic can evolve and enable both partners to explore their fantasies.

    The Guardian :
    Many of the shell-shocked participants were learning about the daddy/baby girl relationship for the first time, and Zpira’s didactic approach felt reckless. While a healthy BDSM relationship explicitly discusses consent, Zpira explained that he doesn’t use safe words because, he said, “Daddy knows best.”

    Lukas :
    -“I was horrified when I read that article … I was in the same workshop as the journalist and did not find anything to be disconcerting … the concepts were clearly spelt out and you made it clear that this type of relationship is not for everyone”
    -“As “conventionally attractive girl” who was blown away by the profound impact this workshop had on me and my experience at the festival, I finally felt safe to express a part of me that I have been culturally and socially shamed for having”
    -“It’s very disappointing for those who I know personally, having attended workshops as part of on going personal work to resolve and better understand their own story surrounding sex, intimacy and relationships.”
    -“I was in that workshop. It bore no resemblance whatsoever to what the article described.”
    -“Likewise I was in that workshop – and the content of that class is in no way reflected in that ridiculous story.”
    -“I’ve no doubt it was an amazing class, I’ve heard nothing but good things about it.”
    -“Likewise I was in that workshop – and the content of that class is in no way reflected in that ridiculous story. Classic case of someone who doesn’t understand BDSM, DS or power exchange in any form writing a piece with an ignorant and closed minded perspective on the world.”
    … and so on … so, I’m not sure where your reporter saw “the shell-shocked participants” and when my approach became “didactic” & “reckless”…
    I never ever recommended not to use safe words, that would be just stupid and dangerous, and would discredit my whole work on Alt Sex to anyone that has a bit of knowledge about how a D/s relationship works. Accusing me of such irresponsible behaviour is purely defamatory. What I said, is , in some cases, when you know each other so well that you can pretty much read each other’s minds and body language, when you have no more doubts that whatever happens you are in a safe zone, safe words become irrelevant, as you know that anywhere you partner will take you is a place you want to go. Even if your limits are pushed, you can always sit down, evaluate the boundaries and set new ones should you wish to do so.
    I also explained , and that has obviously been misunderstood, that even if the “Daddy” can be wrong, (like a real parent or a husband or wife) this cannot become a pretext for an argument as it would disrupt the dynamic, but perhaps be put in the communication tool (I recommended a diary) in order to be understood and avoid arguments.

    The Guardian :
    It’s a dynamic that might work for some couples – and I can appreciate a well-timed cry of “Daddy” as much as the next girl – but I can’t get off on financial control, or revoking a woman’s power to stop a sexual act. I caught a cab home after this workshop unsure if the queasy feeling in my stomach was an allergic reaction to the quinoa salad I ate at lunchtime or to Zpira’s workshop.

    Lukas :
    Everyone is free to get off or not on whatever they want. That’s everyone personal choice and everyone is free to choose their own dynamic and set their own limits. Your journalist may not get turned on by this style of play, but she has no right to be judgemental towards those who do.
    the bottom line is the control a submissive gives his/her partner is never forced upon her/him, but the representation of a personal choice .
    … I often like to say : a submissive never submits but to her own desires.

  3. ok, let’s not put the blame on this pseudo journalist that obviously didn’t have the experience necessary to have a real professional approach of such (I agree – controversial) topic. It would have been smarter for The Guardian to have put on this “hot” (isn’t it) issue, someone that could have been able to express her doubts during the workshop(s), making the article the starting point of an interesting social debate instead of just insulting and damaging one.
    You don’t send on the front line a rookie that drop his pen when the first bullet whistles a bit to close to his ear…
    But, damage is done and the debate is now open. An interesting one actually.
    The fear expressed in the article is also the fear of a large part of the society that feel uncomfortable being pushed out of its comfort zone. A part of the society that has a hard time dealing with its emotion, uncomfortable with its sexuality and often afraid of its own fantasy.
    Perhaps one of the main question here is :
    How far can two consenting adults go in their couple’s dynamic when the bond they have is made of (lots of) love, have real trust and feel confident about themselves?
    The answer I gave during my workshop was simple… sky is the limit. You set the rules… together.
    So… does one need a safety net when in a safe nest ? When partners know each other so well that they can almost read each other’s mind ? When pushing the limit, to surpass these and ourselves can also be part of a fantasy, be part of the consensus established between them ?
    Safety net is just the expression of one’s fear.
    Yet such behaviours are not for beginners, not for everyone and has never been recommended as such. They are for the adventurous, those who know where they stand and feel comfortable with it. Those that can understand that key to success in such relationship is, as I explained, communication. That steps have to be taken in order to breathe when needed, levels have to be set so each one can feel comfortable and in peace, before going higher.
    So yes, when you decide to go that far together, when you agree to such responsibility toward each other, it s a 24/7 duty. You can’t drop your partner on the way.
    The workshop , as the event, has obviously been misunderstood, certainly because it as been judged before its been heard.
    The whole point was to take us out of the box we have been put in from day one and/or have often made ourselves a prisoner of.
    So, looking at that article makes me realize the event was a real success.
    The journalist was just the imposter in the crowd … the only real pervert amongst us, the spy… that betrayed us.

  4. Oh my god, eight solid hours of fart noises from a predatory, egomaniacal creep who actually thinks his own account of events makes it sound any better!

  5. don’t you have any respect for personal freedom ? or does your opinion set the “one and only” norm ? you have the right to have an opinion , not to blame/judge those who make different choices . btw… insults does not help . it barely hide your lack of capacity to proper dialogue …

  6. I can answer any and all points you care to make. What I am not is an essay on demand service; I have a full-time job, a long commute, and a second shift when I get home – so, on a week night, ‘eight hours of fart noises’ may be all you get from me.

    Personal freedom does not include freedom from criticism – when you put your sex life into the public realm, I have every right to criticise.

    You are encouraging participation in a dangerous and harmful lifestyle, and taking advantage of vulnerable women for your own selfish sexual ends, so again, I have every right to criticise.

    (Also, seriously: “it barely hide your lack of capacity to proper dialogue”, and all those gaps in the punctuation? You are in no position to cast aspersions at my communication abilities.)

  7. yes I am in position to point your incapacity to debate when all I see is criticism and judgement based on assomption , not fact .

    you said : “The journalist forgot to point out that it is also eroticising the sexually abused and incested girl child.”

    … it s certainly not the case. thats only the expression of your personal opinion. you just twist in a disgusting way the reality of what the Daddy/baby girl dynamic is to serve you agenda.

    you said : “Isn’t BDSM supposed to be all ‘safe, sane, and consensual’? Aren’t the abusers supposed to be peripheral ‘bad apples’? Aren’t all the examples of creepy, abusive, men supposed to be outliers someone dishonestly trawled through Fetlife to find?”

    BDSM is safe and consensual… thats a basic. Abusers are not welcome among us. Abusers are among the mainstream, in your neighbours, they are the close friend in a family, the father, among those that pretend to have a normal life. Just read the news, you’ll see teachers abusing the kids they are suppose to educate, priests … there is so many of those that the pope had to make public apologize… etc. just read the news, do some research online… you’ll have hard time to find abusers in the BDSM scene. yes BDSM is consensual.

    you said : “So how come this shit is mainstream?”

    It does because people in the mainstream start to understand that these judgemental approach of Alt Sex is nothing else than expression of fear. They get curious about alternative sexuality, trying to find a way to express themselves freely and safely in bed with out having to feel ashamed for that.

    you said : “You are encouraging participation in a dangerous and harmful lifestyle, and taking advantage of vulnerable women for your own selfish sexual ends, so again, I have every right to criticize.”

    There is nothing dangerous and armful in a BDSM lifestyle … if you speak with those who practice it instead of judging them, you would know that. Women also have sexual preferences. you’ll find Dom and sub women… Dom and sub men. All free people that choose to explore a different sexual lifestyle. No one is forcing no one. it’s a give and take, a sharing and loving experience, based on trust and truth. Judging so harshly those who choose a different life than yours is the only selfish approach than can seen here.
    I see you spend a lot of time on that…

  8. Wow, another four hours of fart noises!

    Did you miss the fact that this blog has plenty of other posts? As of typing, there are 139 in the ‘anti-BDSM’ category, and a list of recommended posts in the side bar – knock yourself out, you obviously have a lot of time on your hands.

  9. Please demonstrate that you actually respect women’s boundaries by not leaving any more massive comments under this post until I have time to respond to what you have already written. Also, if you do actually bother to read anything else I’ve written about BDSM on this blog, please do not leave comments under those posts, anything you have to say you can say under this post after I have had a chance to reply.

  10. it’s funny you ask for a respect you don’t give to others…
    I had a look to few of the post, I doubt you even had a look at my work, just judging not by yourself, but through a stupid article full of lies and misunderstanding.
    I had a look and it make me almost threw up. I have no intention to post any comment on it… it will take to long and will be useless as you are obviously not the kind of person that want to open any debate, but just feel has the right to judge what he/she don’t (even try to) understand.
    I just stand for myself, my work, my belief and answer a personal attack. for that , I have plenty of time.

  11. Funny how you conflate ‘respect’ with obedience.

    Yours is a pompous inflated ego that requires an audience of silent, ignorant child-women to sit at your feet in awe of the grand patriarch you imagine yourself to be – the fact that I refuse to service your ego in this way leads you to call me ‘selfish’, because you believe all women exist for you.

    As for your claim that I am not open to debate, which posts did you actually look at? There are a lot of anti-BDSM posts were I spend a very long time replying to people’s criticisms of my argument – your inflated ego means that you think ‘being open to debate’ means agreeing with you.

  12. you only talk to yourself and as soon as someone come with a bit of argument your only answer is insult.
    so thats it ? ok . I let you with your monomaniac hobby. I have better things to do with my life, Im sorry for you don’t.
    I have a little conclusion tho … you pretend to defend women while your attitude is just condescending toward the gender , showing them only as poor victims while in fact they have way more power and have much more control of their life than you will ever imagine.
    and you talk to me about ego ? you are blinded by it . the only victim I really see is you.

  13. Ok, let’s unpack this hot patriarchal mess.

    I have already covered some of Zpira’s inflated language (he calls me ‘selfish’ for expressing an opinion he doesn’t like), but there’s more!

    According to Zpira I am a ‘victim’ – of what? Of not being a submissive child-woman? You’ve got to love the Orwellian double-think of BDSM: slavery is freedom; weakness is strength; submission is power. Of course such psychological manipulation is necessary to help predators like Zpira entrap vulnerable women.

    Also, he claims to have read my other posts, but claims I only offer insults, so he either hasn’t actually read anything I wrote, or he thinks that any challenge to BDSM/his authority is an insult (which he conveniently then doesn’t have to answer!).

    You’ve also got to laugh at this: “I had a look and it make me almost threw up.” You will not find anywhere a more priggish pearl- clutcher than a BDSMer who has had their dorky hobby criticised.

    Also, look at the way Zpira describes the journalist, he calls her an ‘outsider’, a ‘pervert’, a ‘spy’, a ‘betrayer’. She attended a workshop that was advertised as open to any attendee at the festival, and was disturbed by her experience. Zpira is acting as if she infiltrated a closed meeting at a private address. If the journalist was upset, maybe he wasn’t actually that good at creating a ‘safe space’.

    Now let’s look at Zpira’s own account of the “Daddy/Baby girl” ‘dynamic’, an account that involves some serious semantic hair-splitting to ‘prove’ it’s not about raping little girls (some BDSMers, like the men and women here talking about wanting to raise their daughters as ‘fucktoys’ are more honest).

    So, it’s not about ‘father figures’, it’s about ‘patriarchal figures’, it’s not about ‘little girls’, it’s about ‘child-women’ (that’s the translation of ‘femme infant’), as if these choices of terminology actually have any real difference between then when it comes to the underlying concepts.

    The description of the workshop on the Festival’s website says this:

    “As a baby girl and/or baby boy, one seduces authority. One is terrified of it, yet so excited. There are fantasies of being pure, innocent, again a virgin.”

    Yeah, there’s nothing in that that sounds like eroticised child sex abuse, after all, these ‘baby girls/boys’ are very clearly ‘asking for it’.

    Some things were mentioned in the workshop that Zpira doesn’t “agree with, encourage, or practice” but they were mentioned “without judgement or imposing one’s set of values.” Now this is slightly odd, is Zpira saying that he won’t even ‘pass judgement’ on activity he thinks is dangerous? Is he so wedded to being non-judgemental that he won’t even tell his workshop audience (an audience that may have no prior experience of BDSM) when he thinks something is dangerous? Then he gets angry and self-righteous when a member of his audience has a bad experience – and he thinks this makes him a good ‘educator’.

    Zpira didn’t beckon the most conventionally attractive woman in the room, saying “I will have you”, he “[reached] out with [his] hand to the one who was alone and most isolated from the crowd, [he] wanted to make her feel safe and integrated with the rest of the class. [He] asked her “may I have you””

    Oh yes, that sounds much better, he singled out a woman who was emotionally vulnerable and there on her own, like a predator picking out the weakest member of the heard.

    And he didn’t sit her on his lap, he got her to “curl into a foetal position on the floor, with one hand on her shoulder and the other on her head, we took a few minutes this way to connect, giving her time to slip into a comfort zone to make her feel safe before starting the regressive state, which is a very common exercise.”

    So, the use of physical and psychological manipulation to make a woman regress to a state of helplessness is a ‘common exercise’, and that’s all fine! Nothing predatory or manipulative going on there! Also, how can a meaningful discussion of safety and boundaries happen in front of an audience of strangers?

    Zpira has seven (seven! Were there only eight people in attendance?) unsourced positive responses to his class, so that means nothing bad could have been happening! Because men and women never act as bystanders to abuse.

    Oh, and there were two ‘girls’ he was ‘demonstrating’ with, not one, that makes such a difference!

    Zpira never recommended not to use safe words, he just said that safe words are irrelevant when you decide you don’t need them!

    And then there’s this:

    “I also explained , and that has obviously been misunderstood, that even if the “Daddy” can be wrong, (like a real parent or a husband or wife) this cannot become a pretext for an argument as it would disrupt the dynamic, but perhaps be put in the communication tool (I recommended a diary) in order to be understood and avoid arguments.”

    So, a child-woman can never argue back, can never complain, except indirectly in a way that is slow and can be easily ignored – nothing unsafe or manipulative about that right!

    Zpira also says this:

    “you’ll have hard time to find abusers in the BDSM scene”

    He is either lying through his teeth, or delusional.

    How about this woman, who said she had never met a sub who hadn’t had their boundaries violated? Or this woman’s experience of a high-powered dom? Or this in house survey that found a 30% rate of boundary violations?

    Overall, not very impressive for someone claiming to be an ‘educator’.

  14. Linking to this post from another just now, I have spotted that the link to the ‘Please Daddy’ workshop is dead; luckily, I saved it as a pdf at the time, so here’s a couple of screen caps of that:

  15. Still trying hard to find abuser among the S&M community ? You look the wrong way as they are among your community, people you like, you admire, you watch their shows, movies, laught as the events they produce, you send your daughter to them hopping they going to be chosen ones. Want a hint ? Gilbert Rozon, Bill Cosby, Harvey Weinstein… And way to many to tell. No one in our communality fever did to appologize for long time abuse… The Pope did. That tells a lot. You can look as hard as you want and try to see the wrong where there is not, you’ll never find any equivalent in our community as they would have been banned quickly and certainly not protected for decades as the the one mentioned.
    I give you 10 grand if you prove me wrong.

  16. Dude, you are a creep, your behaviour speaks for itself.

    I am a radical feminist, I know the mainstream is full of male abusers too, it is not ‘my community’ there is no such thing as a ‘vanilla community’, and I feel no solidarity with any class of men.

    And dude, I’ve been writing an anti-porn, anti-sexual exploitation blog for almost a decade, how am I, personally, ‘looking the wrong way’?

    The BDSM scene is the patriarchal status quo in concentrate, and as I linked to above, an in house survey found a 30% rate of boundary violations, there have also been plenty of whistle-blowers from within the ‘scene’ and from those who have left it.

    “No one in our communality fever did to appologize for long time abuse… The Pope did”

    So not apologising means no abuse occurred (assuming that’s what you mean, that sentence is barely legible)? You realise people only apologise after they’ve been caught and forced to be accountable? Fetlife protects the identities of abusive members, the claim to self-police is laughable.

    How about Peter Madsen, who murdered Kim Wall?

    The court heard statements about Madsen’s alleged taste for violent pornography and sadomasochistic sex, including claims that he had had sex with several women on board the submarine.

    (https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/sep/05/danish-inventor-faces-charge-journalists-submarine-death-peter-madsen-kim-wall)

    Traces of Madsen’s DNA had also been recovered from Wall’s body, as well as traces of a saw blade consistent with the removal of her head and limbs after her death, Buch-Jepsen said. An examination of Madsen’s computer had also uncovered material featuring women being tortured and killed.

    (https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/oct/03/denmark-submarine-trip-journalist-kim-wall-stabbed-15-times)

    He’s only the latest, or are you going to pull a ‘no true Scotsman’ fallacy?

    Imagine Hamish McDonald, a Scotsman, sitting down with his Glasgow Morning Herald and seeing an article about how the “Brighton Sex Maniac Strikes Again”. Hamish is shocked and declares that “No Scotsman would do such a thing.” The next day he sits down to read his Glasgow Morning Herald again; and, this time, finds an article about an Aberdeen man whose brutal actions make the Brighton sex maniac seem almost gentlemanly. This fact shows that Hamish was wrong in his opinion, but is he going to admit this? Not likely. This time he says: “No true Scotsman would do such a thing.”

    We can discuss the charities of my choice to donate the £10,000 to.

  17. And how about BDSM porn performer James Deen? He was the public face of the sex industry for years, and it was only once one woman blew the whistle on him, that many other women come forward to make accusations (accusations he has denied).

    He worked for kink.com, which only dropped him after he was exposed (I can’t believe nobody on the inside knew what was going on).

    What about the other abuses at kink.com and its predecessors?

    https://antipornfeminists.wordpress.com/2013/03/12/abuse-at-kink-com/

    https://antipornfeminists.wordpress.com/2014/09/23/qotd-the-point-of-the-scene-in-some-cases-is-to-find-the-raw-edge-of-a-performers-limitations/

    https://antipornfeminists.wordpress.com/2013/09/16/cameron-bay-porn-performer-with-hiv-recalls-disturbing-experiences-on-set-where-condoms-werent-used/

    https://antipornfeminists.wordpress.com/2012/06/25/graphic-sexual-horror/

  18. For centuries people were looking at earth as a flat surface because they were looking the wrong way. You even put everything you can, even not related to the topic and certainly not from our communality In the same bag to try to find a justification of your “over decade” waste of time. You are blinded by hate, and pushed by misplaced faith, getting so radical there is no dialogue to have. Nothing constructive can ever come from what you are doing. You merely can get on your side some other “radicals” stupid enough to still live on issues they didn’t find other way to deal with.
    I seriously pity you.

  19. Oh my god you are so full of shit.

    You can’t even come up with a reply about Fetlife’s anonymity for abusers policy, or the survey by The National Coalition of Sexual Freedom, a pro-BDSM group.

    How is Fetlife, with over three million users, not part of the BDSM ‘community’? How is a BDSM porn company not part of the BDSM ‘community’? How is someone into sadomasochistic sex not part of the BDSM ‘community’? How is Kitty Stryker, who runs ‘consent culture’ workshops for the BDSM ‘community’, not part of the BDSM ‘community’?

    The only reason there is ‘no dialog’ with me is that you are refusing to address any point I have made, all you can do is accuse me of ‘hate’, that’s not an argument, it’s a diversion tactic.

    Also, with your gloating above about Bill Cosby, and Harvey Weinstein and trying to use them as some kind of gotcha against ‘vanillas’, it’s clear you don’t give a shit about violence against women. It’s also clear that you don’t understand how power and hierarchy and control work to allow abuse to flourish, and why you think there is no abuse in the BDSM ‘community’.

    It’s hard to know if you really are this ignorant, or cynically lying through your teeth because you are a predator yourself, either way you are a ridiculous phoney.

  20. It s simply a waste of time to try to make you understand the BDSM community is not a better world nor a worst, just a different one, you judge through the prism of your ignorance. It would be also a waste of time to explain you that, despite the common thinking, in S&M practices, what you see is not what you get… Far from. It’s a spiritual journey that may be largely misinterpreted by a non initiated public. Would a waste to explain you we create rules, boundaries, safe words and that the one that break them are often banned from the community or simply put themselves aside just by acting the wrong way. I won’t even start with the depth of the dynamic or the fact, as I already said here, that “a submissive never submit but to her how desires.
    I’m always happy to talk and share, but your goal is only to destroy, damage, probably because you are yourself. Because you have been to far in your misinterpretation of human behaviors to be able to look at the stars and see by yourself how hearth is revolving. I can’t blame you, but I’m a educator, not a therapist.

  21. And you still can’t respond to a single point I’ve made about abusers in the BDSM ‘community’, just farted out more pseudo-intellectual, cod-spiritual bullshit.

    You have described, above, in your own words, how you target and manipulate vulnerable women; you are a predator.

    You have also shown, in your description of the journalist of the original article as a ‘spy’ and a ‘pervert’, and in your repeatedly describing me as ‘damaged’ and ‘full of hate’, how you respond to any dissent or criticism: by trying to shut down and ridicule anyone who challenges you. That is behaviour that silences and ostracises victims and allows abuse to flourish.

    Dude, you are proving my arguments for me.

  22. I know you like surrounding yourself with compliant ‘child-women’ who never challenge your pseudo ‘authority’ and ‘intellect’, but do you really believe some of the bullshit you have been spouting?

    Do you really believe that I, personally, am in any meaningful way part of a community with Crosby or Weinstein? Do you really believe that I, personally, had some insider information on their behaviour, but chose to turn a blind eye because I refuse to believe that abuse occurs outside of the BDSM ‘community’? Just because I ‘hate’ BDSMers so much?

    If you actually bothered to look at this blog you will see that I am critical of all abusive behaviour, and I certainly do not downplay abuse from ‘mainstream’ men.

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